1 To SmallMonkey, for allowing you to believe in Father Christmas right up until now. Yep, it’s us! Huge sighs of relief all-round and immediate re-direction of The List.

2 To the pigeon who flew into the window opposite then landed on a high-up ledge just before we had to leave the condo for an all-day party. We assume you’re OK, since you’re not here any more.

3 To Mrs H, who I have managed to successfully ignore for the last nine days. Think of it this way: having me sob into your shoulder all week was the last thing you needed. Goodbye, then. Good luck x